Freedom From the Need to Please.

Have you noticed, that most of what humans do here on earth is try to please other people. Most of whom wouldn't come to our funeral. Most of whom, we will never even know.

Why do we do that? 

Facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchat ... posting things to show off lives, in hopes of making people envious. It should be called Bragbook! Or, posts complaining about life ... to get attention? 

Some of the time posting how great things are, when quite frankly if you really know the truth - they are miserable. It is the cry of the broken hearted ... love me, like me, pay attention to me. 

I'm not saying social media is a bad thing. I have many friends on facebook and follow folks on twitter that reading their posts really lifts me up and encourages me and many other people. & it doesn't just happen on social media, that's just where we are exposed in abundance. It happens everywhere, all the time.

Here is the question: where is your heart motivation?

I personally think our need to please stems from our desire to be loved. & the threat that some people put out there: if you don't do what I want, I will reject you. This can be the toughest if it is from our "loved ones".

Most of the people we are trying to please aren't going to love us. Either because they don't even know us- or because they aren't safe people capable of love the way God defines it. & so we are putting so much of our life into something that will keep coming back void.

The people that we DO please (albeit not all of the time), aren't difficult to please. God isn't difficult to please. He has high expectations of us to follow His commandments for our OWN protection, but think of how much grace and unconditional love He provides. & He loves to delight in us. The people who love us - who delight in us, and who wouldn't take their love away if we don't do exactly what they say always, those are safe people. It's not performance based. It's not a means to control. 

Pleasing people and seeking love can be addictive! I have been trying to please specific people my entire life. & I didn't even realize it until recently. I think some of us are just trained up that way - and don't know any different. 

I read this verse, and it shook me. I thought - Lord, I KNOW you are going to teach me something through this. As a matter of fact, I told my friends in bible study - this verse stuck out to me God is trying to tell me something, I just don't know what yet. Yano that feeling when you know God is moving, and you're just waiting for it.

Everyone who has left houses, siblings, parents, spouses for my names sake, shall receive a hundredfold and eternal life Matt 19:29

Really Lord?? You want us to leave all of our most prized possessions, loved ones, and ANYTHING we cling to - for YOU? .... Yes. 

That was a hard concept for me to swallow. The Lord started taking me down this road about a year and a half ago: Let go of everything that distracts you from me. Trust ME. Let go of everything else you cling to, and just hold on to me. I've got you. You are safe with me.

I would be lying if I said it isn't scary. It shouldn't be! Trust the God of all creation should be an easy concept, one would think.

& God completes His works, so - he wasn't and probably isn't done showing me what I need to let go of.

Since God wants us to put Him first, if we are putting anything or anyone else first, clinging to them or that instead of Him - at some point He will likely ask us to re evaluate that line up. That point just happened to be NOW, for me. Again.

This is 'easier' done when it comes to strangers, or friends even. But what about family, or spouses?

God says even then should we put Him first. 

Just look at Moses. God asked him to lay down his staff and follow Him. Being a shepherd, Moses staff since he was his livelihood. Well, Moses did lay it down, and look how God used him! Moses led the people of Israel out of Egypt and was featured in the best selling book of all time!

Ruth although recently widowed was obedient to Christ and followed her mother in law to a land she knew no one, potentially forfeiting her hope to get married again - only for God to provide her with an amazing man of God who loved her because her obedience to the Lord.

Now God is very clear that we are to honor our parents, spouses, (everyone for that matter). *If you are living at home you should obey your parents rules unless they are harmful or disobedient to the Lord.

He is also clear that we are to honor Him most of all. And what He does not say is, please your parents to gain their love. In fact, God gave us His love first and it is unconditional. We aren't to aim to please ANYONE for LOVE. 

& if someone threatens to, or takes away their love because we do not do as they think we should - well we have safe haven in the ONE who will love us unconditionally - and trust me, He is more than enough. 

In fact, all of the love and acceptance we are really looking for - is because he created us to love Him, and be loved by Him. His love is the only way we will truly be joyful and content. Think about it, if you are reading this post and have not accepted Christ as your savior, are you content or are you searching for something? Even those of us who have, we struggle also - as soon as we aren't putting quality time into our relationship with Christ.

Should we want to serve and honor our loved ones? Of course. BUT, there is a difference in that and putting our entire lives on hold to please people rather than putting our focus on pleasing God. We should never sacrifice our entire beings for love and acceptance. To love does not mean to please - there is a difference. And if someone loves you, they won't expect you to do exactly as they say all of the time - love is freeing, not draining. Just like Gods love ... FREEING!! 

So again, the good Lord freed me from another bondage, the disease to please. I hope that if any of you reads this and feels a ping of - oh, I can relate ... - that you would allow the Lord to free you as well. It's a daily decisions sometimes, because us humans - we're forgetful. :-)

& why wouldn't God want this? God wants to be loved and cherished, just as we do. We are made in His image! He won't make us, but we're missing the whole point of life if we chose not to. & everything we are seeking in it. 

Sometimes seeing things we've been blind to for umpteen years is incredibly difficult, because sometimes it's easier to be comfortable in our sin. I mean there have been many times I have thought, maybe it would be easier if I just went back to before I knew ... keep living that way. Those times when the truth is so ugly that it made my stomach hurt, question everything about my entire life, and made me feel alone. Well, the truth of it is - that's not really comfortable and once we get past the initial shock and pain, the freeing release is what will really provide lasting comfort.

Once we break free from people pleasing - we are available to do Gods will. We seek Him and hear Him, and aren't so worried about pleasing others that we are distracted from obeying Him. It leads to a lot more blessings and opens us up for our divine purpose here on earth, to bring heaven wherever we go because we are so focused on Christ people see it shining through our lives.

Let's all put down that burden of needing to please everyone, always. The one we should be aiming to please is God, all else will fall into place if that is our focus.

I am thankful for each step of progress and looking forward to what the Lord has in store next! & thanking Christ for answering unspoken prayers.

In love,

Meagan

Peru, to love people.

Covered in mosquito and spider bites. Itching ... ALL the time. An awkward sunburn because there's no way to hide from the summer sun of this desert. Dripping with sweat from the summer heat. Filthy all the time and covered in dust. Back and neck pain from sleeping on a bed that feels like a rock. Not really sleeping because its summer, and there is no air. The only way I slept was exhaustion.

How do people live like this?

God, why did you send me here?

How can I possibly help?

I have been praying for God to send me on a short mission trip for some time. When he lays something on our hearts, it'll happen in his timing. I had no idea I would be going to Peru. In fact, when I went - I knew absolutely nothing about the country. God opened the door and I just ... went.

God made my heart a real mushy one. The kind that carries the weight of the world. When I arrived, I thought - I'm not sure why He would send me there where ... sewage flows through the dirt streets. Children work in the dessert heat trying to sell fruit, gum, anything to help their family survive. Most homes are adobe with dirt floors. Forget about running water, there is a bucket out back. It is the 3rd highest infant mortality rate. Children are abandoned in hospitals, on buses ... some of them, I met. They held my hand. Hugged me tight. Called me "tia!" (auntie) after only knowing me a day. Fought over my lap and who I would carry. Begged me to put on a new shirt as if they'd never seen one, or change their pants when they'd had an accident. Puppies are skin & bone, out in the street and covered in filth. Armed guards walk the streets with guns, because the crime is outrageous.

It is one of those things you see on TV or online, and it breaks your heart. But, its almost as if it isn't real. Because sitting in our comfortable homes or apartments, we can see something like that and feel bad, but - it's so far away, and not something we've seen before, so we feel bad but then go on about our day. It's another world, someone else will help, I have my own problems.

Being there and seeing with my own eyes, the chaos, the poverty..., something happened inside my stomach. Then, getting to know the people ... something happened inside my soul.

I had pneumonia before going ... and my cough went away 2 days before I got there. Came back the day I was leaving. Talk about a sovereign God.

I woke up early every morning to go to Morning Star (the orphanage) / Strong Tower (the christian school) and took a taxi (a packed car - with no air conditioning), to a bus (a packed van - with no air conditioning) to a motor-taxi ... down a dirt road full of rocks. Definitely not a ride you'd find at Disney. It took an hour to get there, and I'm already exhausted from the heat, the dust, the adventure just getting there.

My days filled with helping teach english to children that only speak spanish. When I only speak english. I had no clue this is what I would be doing. I just showed up, ready to serve. Starting with the 3 year olds, many of whom cried the entire time. The 5 year old class, 1st and 2nd graders. 90-100 degrees and no air in the classrooms. We opened the doors for air, but then the mosquitos came in, and they were thirsty. So, we'd close the doors and teach in the sauna. Many of the children quickly stole my heart. They're the reason I woke up every day excited to make the journey... no matter how exhausted and sick I really was. It was the strength of God that got me up each day, and took me out to do it all again.

I found out that, the week I was there was the first week of school. Mark, the principal, had been praying for help in the classrooms since the first week is always the most chaotic. God sent me to help. Marks prayers were heard, God provided. He always does.

My afternoons spent playing with the children in the orphanage, and helping any way I could. Completely touched by how these kids open their hearts up and loved me. When they reached up and grabbed my hand, I almost melted inside. Or looked at me with a HUGE smile. Gave me a hug, so innocent and pure. I know what this is ... Gods love. Purely shown through innocent children. Spotting me across a field and running over "Tia, Tia!" Oh how I wanted to take them home.

Evenings spent making visits to villages. Checking on people. Loving them when no one else does. Showing them hope when they can't find any. One night Henrik (the missionary & his wife I stayed with most the time when I wasn't staying at the orphanage) and I went to Lluya. We made a visit to Valerie. Valerie was sitting in her adobe hut, in ripped clothing, barefoot. We asked how she was, and she cried out for help. I recognize this cry for help. It once came from inside of me. Henrik translated for me, I speak very little Spanish. Valerie's husband is an alcoholic. He spends his days working, lies about working late - goes and gets liquored up. Comes home and yells and insults Valerie and her children. Her oldest son, a Jr in High School, he yells at him most. He wants to leave. They feel like slaves... stuck. She feels alone. She is sobbing. The kind that comes from deep pain. Hopeless heart. I felt helpless, my heart literally breaking for this woman. The story, all too familiar and close to home. I felt God prompt me to go sit next to her. I hesitated, Lord what if she doesn't want me to? She doesn't know me. I don't even speak her language. I kept feeling that nudge. I put my insecurity behind me, and stood up, walked over and wiped her tears. Why? Because I know that's what Jesus would do for her. What He will do for all of us. She laid the bible Henrik gave her half on my lap, welcoming me. Henrik talked for a bit, praying for her. Then suddenly, I looked at Valerie, and I spoke. Well, rather it was God, because I don't think I could have found the words, or would have wanted to share my soul this way. Tears began to flood from my eyes, the kind of deep hurt - but then the kind of triumph, joy, and freedom. The kind only found in Christ. As I told Valerie of my growing up experiences, Henrik translated. Valerie looked at me and I knew, she knew she wasn't alone. As I told her she didn't need to go through this alone, that God is waiting for her to ask Him to take over. Told him what happened in my life once He did. I saw in her eyes, hope.

Since I couldn't understand Valerie, I'm not exactly sure what she said. All I know is, God send me clear across the world - just so that she didn't feel alone in her tribulations. To give her hope of a new tomorrow, free from bondage. To encourage her. To comfort her. I thought to myself, wow - God really loves this woman. Then I became overcome with thankfulness. That God doesn't waste our experiences, and in fact, they are gifts. For the first time in my life, I saw my struggles as a gift that I could share with this woman. God does not waste our experiences. He will use them all for His glory, if we just let Him. I also realized, if we ask to be used by God. & say yes when He calls us to go. He will use us. It was His hands that wiped this woman's tears. It was His words that comforted her. It is His story, His glory.

At supper the next night, Henrik told me that ... he felt I was sent here to encourage these people. When people go through something hard, it's as if they get a key. That key to someone else's hope and encouragement as they go through something similar. There's a connection. Someone clear across the world has gone through something similar, and God pulled her out and blessed her with His victory. Hopeless to hope-filled. Lost to purpose-full. Broken to ... well, bandaged up ;) but brand new.

The next night I went with Patty to teach some women to bake oatmeal cookies. Their diets consist of mostly rice and bread. Oatmeal has a lot of fiber. Patty asked me to share my testimony with the women. I have no idea what they were saying, but - they all welcomed me so warmly as if ... I had unlocked part of their hearts. They all praised God. It was, beautiful. This is the kitchen we baked in ..

That is why I feel God sent me to Peru. It wasn't full of beautiful scenery, & in fact just the opposite. I didn't see Machu Picchu as all my friends asked if I would. I didn't even get hardly any time of relaxation. Somehow still, it was the most beautiful trip. Because of the people. Their hearts. & learning more about the heart of God. Because, having God work through me to love others ... made me realize just how much God loves His people. I got a glimpse at His heart, and all He will do to meet our needs, even in our darkest hour, maybe not always in ways we can see it, but He's there.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe - Proverbs 18:10. 

If you have been considering adoption overseas, here is the link for Morning Star. I spent only a week with these kids and they stole my heart: http://www.morningstarperu.org/

In love,
Meagan

Where is home, anyway?

In an age where family is scattered all over, where is home?

As I was flying back to Seattle from Ohio this morning, a thought that has come into my mind before became more concrete. The more I travel, the more my loved ones are scattered across the country, the more places God calls me to go ... the more the definition of "home" becomes blurry.

It was so much easier as a child knowing where home is. There wasn't a question about it. Home was where mommy and daddy and brother lived. Where I slept and ate and had to come inside after playing. [inserted childhood photo of me in cotton candy baby ballet costume above :)]

When friends asked me if I was going home for Thanksgiving, I said yes. I went to Zanesville Ohio, where I was born. Some of them thought that meant Las Vegas, some thought Greenville South Carolina, some knew Ohio. Hearing everyone's responses made me realize, they're not sure where my "home" is either!

When folks ask me if I am going home for Christmas, I also say yes. This time I am referring to South Carolina, where my parents live. Friends from Las Vegas ask me if I am coming "home" for the holidays and they are referring to me coming back to Las Vegas. When I am traveling and asked when I'm going home, I'm referring to Seattle when I give an answer of a day or time.

Where is home?

Is it where you grew up? Where the swing set your dad built with his bare hands from wood and tools is. Where you learned to walk and talk, played flashlight tag and had acorn fights. Where you caught lightening bugs and rode sleds down long hills with family and neighbors. Rode horses. Played in the woods until momma yelled to come inside. Learned to dance tap & ballet. Where half of your family is. For me this is Zanesville Ohio.

Or, is home where you have spent the longest? Went to High School and College. Have dear friends that are like family to you. Anytime something special happens tears spill out because you are not present to share in the moment with them. Started your career and know where all of the good restaurants and hiking spots are? Where you came to know Christ? For me this is Las Vegas.

Is home where your parents are? I've heard the saying "Home is where momma is." For me this is South Carolina.

Is home where your "stuff" is? Where God has called you to live at the moment? Where you are pouring yourself into life and church and work? Making wonderful friends. For me this is Seattle.

As I left my family this morning, and began to wonder all of these things, and grow a little sad that my heart is torn and that I can't be in all places at once ... home is where the heart is but my heart is many places ... the answer came to me clear as day in this verse.

Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests but the son of Man [Jesus] has no place to lay his head - Matthew 8:20 (emphasis mine)

Now, I'm no theologian, I have not gone to school to study Gods word. I can only say what the spirit laid on my heart & what this verse means to me, right now.

Your home is in heaven with Me. You are here on earth to do my work and only momentarily. When I call you to go, you should be ready. And while you are on earth, you don't have to chose where your worldly home is. I will stretch your heart so you can love people all over. Everywhere is your home, because My children are all over and I have called you to go and make disciples of all nations. To love your neighbor as yourself. If I gave you a "home" then your "neighbors" would be limited. When I want them to be everyone,  everywhere. 

I travel often for work, and I very much enjoy it. I travel often for personal. I work in the travel industry. God has given me a passion for traveling & exploring His creation. Sharing His good news & love with folks near and far, along the way. The more places I go, the smaller the world seems. & the more this verse becomes alive:

Love your neighbor as yourself - Matthew 22:39

Then this verse solidifies that God does not mean neighbors as just those who live next door to our "home."

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations - Matthew 28:19

I think of all the people hurting in this broken world. How they need love. How we all do. What about orphans, where do they think of as home.

Maybe this is Gods way of opening my eyes.

It was difficult for me to move away from friends and family. I knew my parents wanted me to move to South Carolina, and part of me did too. To be near them, it would have been easier and comfortable. Sometimes so badly I miss sitting on the back porch with momma, just chatting. I missed being there for the birth of my best friends child. I am missing other best friends birthdays, college graduation, promotions which I would have been there to celebrate. But, God called me here, & I went. & at times I am home sick. For multiple people and places :) Whenever that happens, I remember what Jesus said:

How is it that you sought me? Did you not know that I must be about my Fathers business? - Luke 2:49

It all boils down to this: We are all here for numbered hours, and what we do with our time will either fade away or have eternal impact. God does not call us to be comfortable. He calls us to follow Him, wherever He goes.

& He knows I like an adventure. :)

What do you do with your time?

Do you sleep the days away? Go to work and come home "another day another dollar"? God wants us to live a full life. Do you spend time stressed out and worrying? Spend your time building your own self up, which will fade away when you do? Or do you do a million things, none of which consist of doing what God has asked you to do? God never intended us to be so busy that we didn't have time for Him. I've had to ask myself this question many times.

& I thank God that my real home is heaven. There will be no pain, no heartache, no stress. It is full of rewards for those who obey Christ commandments. Best of all, we will be living with our heavenly Father.

Where is your home? Where will you be once your days are up? Not something many folks like to think about, rather just buzz about the busy-ness of the "now". But the "now" is just a minute in comparison to eternity.

I asked a family member this very question this weekend. He hoped he was going to heaven, but not sure.

The way to heaven is through Jesus I said. To accept He died for our sins and has risen to sit at the right hand of God. Ask Him into our hearts as our Lord and Savior. Admit that we are sinners and repent.

Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me - John 14:6.

It's not through "being a good person" - like I used to think growing up. When God was some distant head floating around watching if I was going to be bad or if I was good he could give me gifts. Sort of like in the Wizard of Oz.

No, all we have to do is pray the above, & we will be saved. Through the work Jesus already did on the cross. That is our ticket to heaven.

Heaven is forever. Heaven is home.

With Love,
Meagan

The Journey

It has taken me so long to write this, in part because I don't know where to begin! & in part because I don't feel equipped to share Gods story in a way that truly displays His glory. How perfect He is. 

Although, He has shown me thus far, He will equip those He calls to do His work. Not through our own abilities but through His. So here goes!!! 

These last 8 months, and how God is rocking my world. 

I have been saved for about 6 years now (best day of my life!), but letting Jesus be the Lord of my life as well as savior, has completely blown me away. I got a bit distracted from His will for my life, but faithful as He is, God was there waiting. & has used my adversities which came as a result of distraction from Him, to teach me through them, and grow me into the woman He has called me to be.

Leaving Las Vegas ... 

Since I let myself get distracted from Gods plan before, I was and am determined not to get de-railed again! Sure, you can always get back on track - but I am done spending time off track when I can be all-in! I prayed fervently for discernment and for God to reveal His will for me. I was presented with two job opportunities almost immediately after submitting fully to Gods will for my life. I asked God and listened intently to see which I should take as both were in completely different states. I remember wishing God had only given me ONE job opportunity so I didn't have to chose! So there wasn't an opportunity to chose wrong! Just a glimpse of that abundance God gives us when we are following Him. Also a glimpse of His teachings, again wanting to see me seek Him for direction. 

I didn't hear an answer as quick as I had hoped. I'm sure this hasn't happened to any of you ;). However there was that quiet voice in my heart leading me to accept the position in Washington near Seattle. So, within a few weeks I had accepted and God was taking me out of Las Vegas! Provided me with two opportunities which actually made it easier for me to negotiate salary. (He always has the perfect plan, even if we can't see it). 

My mom made the drive from Las Vegas to Washington with me, which was SUCH a blessing! Mom said we should go through Idaho, that way we could see the falls. When we get there we saw not A rainbow, but TWO rainbows. Symbols of Gods promises. & confirmation that we were on the right path. 

& just like that, I left everything & followed Jesus. 

It was high season here near Seattle and apartments were being snatched up so quickly that any of the ones I was interested in were gone by the time we got here. Still, we found the perfect place within days. God didn't want me to have a security blanket - He wanted me to trust Him to provide. He did. Again, mom to the rescue! I was in a bit of a panic so anything looked good!! However, she heard the Lord and we decided on a place right across from the beach. Where birds woke me up every morning, something I had missed since I was a little girl. Where wild flowers grow everywhere, my favorite. Where I can go across the way next to the water where I feel so close to God, and rest in His presence. 

Do not worry  ... Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; yet God feeds them - Luke 12:24

At first, it was lonely. But every time I was lonely, I opened my bible. I realized that, God took me away from everything and everyone I knew, so that He could spend quality time with me. Unbelievable! The creator of Heaven and Earth wants to spend quality time with me, and took me to a place He knew I would. I began to read my bible every day. & God began to transform me. He showed me through His word things I had been naive to. Giving me wisdom. 

Rather than rely on myself, my family, or my friends ... I began to rely on Jesus. For everything. Even companionship. What a freeing feeling it is! The peace that God gives us in circumstances is beyond any momentary comfort we can receive from anyone else in this world.

He even taught me through the job He placed me in. I have quarterly sales goals. At first, it was an emotional roller coaster every time I closed a deal or lost one. I remember closing a deal and then writing it on the white board, all proud. The next day, I lost a larger one. Then I felt God tell me ... to be humble. That He gives and He can take away. To give all glory to Him. & rely on Him not myself. That I can't control the outcome, not to try because it is a waste of my energy. Amazing how quickly the stress melted away, and has stayed that way (although I have my moments don't get me wrong).

Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted - Matthew 23:12

I prayed for a church home. I love Calvary Chapel Green Valley and it was so heartbreaking for me to leave the church I came to know Christ in. I knew I wanted a bible teaching church, and a church that spoke the truth - not sugar coating Gods word but rather preparing us as the Bride of Christ. I tried out a few and became a little discouraged. Then, God led me to Antioch Bible Church. The first time I went, I knew ... this is it. This is my church home. The first time I went, a woman named Heidi introduced herself to me, and said I should become a youth leader.

God was molding me so quickly that at times I wanted to slow down! So I would pretend I hadn't heard Him tell me to do something. I wouldn't have the time. That didn't go over too well :) Thankfully! I heard the voice of God so clearly speak to me one day "when I ask you to do something, I mean now." I am NOT going to argue with that!!! 

God first dealt with me on tithing 10% as I would sometimes but not faithfully every week. He wanted me to be faithful in the small things before He gave me bigger things. 

"Well done, good servant; because you were faithful in a very little, you have authority over much" - Luke 19:17

Once I began tithing regularly it felt AMAZING!!! Like a ton of bricks lifted. Like I was giving God what was already His anyway and it felt so good not to have kept it. 

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want - proverbs 11:24

I had also been praying for the Lord to lead my feet on a mission, because He had been putting on my heart to go. Again I heard His voice ... "I have things for you to do here, first". 

Through some adversities that I have gone through in my past, God has given me a heart for young women. To pour into them the abundance of love that God gives to me, and wisdom from things I've gone through, in hopes some of it may stick that they wouldn't have to live with the same scars I do. Also for children. One thing God has asked me to do is sponsor 5 year old Ednah who lives in Kenya, through World Vision. It is so exciting for me to write her letters and wait for hers! Also to think of the day I hopefully get to go and meet her and her family. 

When you give a dinner, do not ask your friends nor rich neighbors, lest they also invite you back, and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you; for you shall be repaid at the resurrection of the just - Luke 14:12-14

I am now a youth leader at Antioch Bible Church for High School ministry. On the paperwork, one of the questions was about tithing. I smiled at God thinking, I can now say that yes I do, and seeing how He has everything fit perfectly together and work for His good. My life was now a testament to that. It is amazing to me that God sees me as a good example for His younger children. He is growing me so much through them, that I can't even believe it's real. 

I want to mention that ... throughout my life I have NEVER been very "domestic"! I have been more career focused. However, I started baking and cooking more in the past year or so, and suddenly I realize, I love it! There are even folks asking me to bake from church! This is definitely Gods craftsmanship, I can take none of the credit, HA! 

Recently, the Lord has called me go to go Peru for outreach to children at a local orphanage, and also women in the area ... get this ... through baking. 

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself - Luke 10:27

Most recently, I have been wanting to start attending a women's bible study. However, when I looked on the website at the studies available, there were only Wednesday nights (I am with my High School group that night), or Thursday mornings (I work). Last Sunday, I prayed deeply for God to place me in a group that would work. After service, one of the pastors daughter whom I was sitting next to said to me ... we've just started a small group on Monday nights would you be interested in joining? I almost couldn't believe my ears. Then I realized, I am NEVER going to be able to comprehend just how GREAT our GOD is! To top it off, many of the women I've been getting to know and become friends with will be part of it. 

I have a prayer journel, where I record my prayers ... what God reveals to me ... what I'm thankful for... what I repent of. Whenever I go back through it and see how God answers my prayers, I realize just how powerful prayer through faith is. & sometimes I am brought to tears. Because I know where I was. & wow what a dark place ... one where life almost didn't seem worth it. And now, where I literally have trouble expressing how wonderful things are because I don't have the words, and I end up writing a novel like I just did. :)

So I say to you, ask and it will be given to you; seek [Jesus], and you will find [Him]; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened - Luke 11:9-11 

I just want you to know that none of this is a testimony of how great I am. The testimony of me is the horrible mess I was in, before. This is all a testimony of God, His story, what He will do in your life if you let Him. It isn't easy to take the first plunge, but my heart has never been happier, I have never been more content, and lived a more beautiful life. Than when I laid mine down and gave it to Jesus to pick up and make new. 

If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost? - Matthew 16:25-26

Don't get me wrong, it's not easy. But hear me when I say, it is BEYOND worth it. You won't be able to fully comprehend it until you live it, I know I didn't. & I still have a long journey ahead. That I am enjoying, immensely. 

Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it - Matthew 7:13-14

By the way, if any of this touched you and you have questions or would like prayer - I would love that. You can post below or email me at msharrer@gmail.com. 

But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God - John 3:21

With Love,
Meagan 

A heart full of love

What to do with a heart full of love, and no one physically to give it to.

Let me preface this with, there are wonderful godly men/marriages that are truly amazing and wow what a blessing - this post just happens to be about being single with a heart full of love. 

This is something that many of us gals, and guys too (?) possibly wonder ... wishing and dreaming for that special someone to come and sweep us off of our feet so that we can pour our love out into them. This has definitely been me!

Key word: Someone.

Sure, we have some traits in mind that we have black-listed from kissing some frogs in our pasts. We have other traits in mind that we are looking for - whether we realize it or not ... and whether they are what is healthy for us or what God wants for us or not. But after awhile, it seems our standards go down as the time passes and we want to love and feel loved, the thing that makes us feel most complete.

Sometimes this leads to bad decision making, and we  unknowingly give our hearts away to romances we shouldn't. We want to believe the next could be it! We want to be swept off our feet and float away on clouds. Escape reality for if just but for a moment.

This is more dangerous than we want to believe! It ends up in situations where we and likely the other person with a broken and bruised heart. We should not sacrifice what God has in store for us in the long run, for what we want today. It's not the path to chose, friends.

What do you do with that heart full of love when you're single? Let me tell you what I have been doing and realized that it has been a blessing beyond words!!! Every time "I LOVE ... " pops into my head. As if I subconsciously want to fill it with a name? Because I'm used to it, because there is so much love in my heart so logically I think there's someone it is aimed towards.

Well there is someone. JESUS!!! That's right! Every time "I LOVE ..." pops into my head, I fill it in with "JESUS" - immediately my heart fills even more full of love and I am over taken with joy! Because it's the truth!!! My mind/heart is just used to there being a guy (& not the right one) - but all of this love I actually have in my heart is put there by Jesus for Jesus, and it is Him who I really feel all of this Love for. He IS LOVE. That's the TRUTH.

I am not going to just throw my love at the wall and hope for the best! I will give it ALL to Jesus, because He loved me first and will forever. True, unconditional love. Not an ounce of my love or heart will ever be wasted with Him. In fact, since I have laid down my life and He picked it up, I have never loved more or been more full of joy. He shows me how!

Do you know what happens when we love Jesus? We love others. I'm not referring to a romantic way, I'm talking about loving them as in caring for them. When Jesus fills our heart with Love and we Love Him, it's natural for us to Love others.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater - Mark 12:31


Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven - Matthew 6:10

One day Jesus may put a man in my life that will love me and for me to love. However, I will wait until He tells me to let that someone else can cut in. If he does gift me with such a love, I know that it will be unlike anything I have experienced, because God wants the very best for me. I have found myself apologizing to God for thinking that someone from my past was sent for me from Him, for thinking that He would not know and love me better than that. As I know He does!!!

A godly woman is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her - proverbs 3:15


Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you - Matthew 6:33


Ladies, there will be men that try to sweep you off your feet! They may be handsome, and charming, and sweet!!! You might even think to yourself, well - he is much better than the last, maybe this is it? He has most of the qualities on my list ... maybe this is the best I will find, and it's great?! Wrong, that is a lie. Yes, these guys may actually be amazing, but just not for you. In other cases, maybe they are total charming liars who will pull a fast one on you, and it will be a heart breaking struggle to get out of the lions den. Ladies, this would be like buying a really cute pair of heels but once you walk in them find out they hurt so bad you wish you'd never seen them! I have personally experienced both.

Some people might tell you that you are being too picky because you are waiting. My guess is these people don't know God, lovingly pray for them. Don't let them encourage you to rush into something that isn't right because you panic that there's something wrong with you.

*** On the other hand, I am blessed to have sisters in Christ that walk with me on this journey, and encourage me to continue to seek Gods will!

Also, if you are dating someone that tells you that you are an answered prayer and sent to them by God to be their wife - yet you do not feel the same ... do not listen to them just because you want to believe it's true. Use discernment, listen to God. He is not a God of confusion and will not tell you one thing and him/her another. God is the truth, all else is not.

The enemy wants to distract us from our walk with God, and will use what he knows has worked in the past. If you are noticing that you met a great guy, but suddenly because of this or that you do not have time to serve in the ministry you were going to, or you are extra tired during church, or your alone time with God suffers, watch out because you are being distracted. I will not sacrifice one second of being in Gods will if I realize I am out of it. It's not worth it.

Some signs that I have learned help me determine if I am getting to know someone who is not who God has in store for me to give my heart to? If it is not His will, I feel Him distant. I lose the joy I feel when I am filled overflowing with the holy spirit from being in the center of His will for my life. Then, it is evident - and a better gauge than my own trying to figure it out or reasoning.

Whatever God has planned for me, I want to receive that blessing. I pray for the desires of my heart to match His, and He will not keep that from me.


No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly - Psalm 84:11

I have also realized, there is no one better to be in love with, than Jesus.

Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him - 1 Corinthians 2:9


God has given me everything that I need, and so so much more (I type as my pup tickles my ear with his nose! :) )

all in love,
Meagan

Beware of Wolf in Sheep Clothing

Just because something looks good, doesn't mean it is good. 

This isn't a lesson I wish any of you will learn first hand. So, I'll share my story in hopes God will use it for good.

  

(This is a long post, so bare with me. I feel called to put it out there, and then leave it there - moving on with wisdom from the lesson learned, praise God.)

I came to this harsh realization through a relationship I was in, where my heart went through more pain than I would ever have dreaded to know possible. My spirit was crushed into pieces like a peanut shell. Because I chose to be oblivious to what I didn't want to see.

The reason I was hurt so badly is because this person professed to be one thing, ... everything righteous and of Christ ..., and I believed it whole heartedly. Despite the many warnings that should have led me not to. Only to find out, it was a lie and I was deceived. 

Why did I believe? Because I was waiting for my christian husband & he said he was the one I was waiting for. It sounded good, & I wanted to believe it - so I did. Because I didn't believe someone could say they are one thing all the while being the opposite. Therefore, I fell in love with an illusion. A picture painted with lies, this person I fell in love with doesn't exist. He's make believe. & the person I was in a relationship with was just the artist. 

Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits - Matthew 7:15

My heart and I were stuck in a prison where, I could feel things weren't right ... I saw the red flags ... yet wanted to believe in this person (the wolf), and believe me, he was convincing. If I would try to explain that things did not seem true, there was a carefully painted lie to cover up the lie. I got so wrapped up in trying to figure out the situation, it consumed me. To this day, I have nightmares about it ... where I am a detective and having to go through this gut wrenching feeling of figuring out the truth vs the lies. Suffocating in a web of manipulation and confusion, trying to break free. Looking for the EXIT sign that would lead me to the truth. 

This scripture from the bible kept coming to me when things did not add up: For our God is not a God of confusion but of peace - 1 Corinthians 14:33

The wolf looked good, talked great, but walked crooked. His words were the sweetest smelling cologne I've ever encountered and drew me in like a bee to a flower. It was only after I  tasted the pollen that I realized it was poison.

Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting - Romans 16:17-18

Let me break it down even further. The wolf told me (& everyone for that matter) that he is christian. Goes to church every Sunday, listens to Billy Graham sermons, posts scripture on facebook, repeatedly told me he does not lie & would tell me "I despise a liar." I was so distracted by all that he was saying that I was missing what he was actually DOING. He spoke of his salvation all of the time, prayed before dinner, and wore cross necklaces proudly. He went through the motions and said the 'right' things.

Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves - James 1:22 

According to him, I was "the one."  

He constantly TOLD ME he loved me unconditionally and there was no one else for him. For about a year I spent every moment I could with he and his daughter, we were like a family. I gave everything I could and more, trying to walk on water for him, though it was never enough. Then I realized, he never SHOWED me this love he spoke of. I was drowning in words of love, so that I couldn't even come up for air to see the actions weren't there. I did all the work, all the sacrificing, all the compromise, everything. 

After a couple months, he began condemning me for my past. Questioning my salvation. Pointing out things I had done years before we met. Constantly, at any given moment, I would have to go through this. He would not drop it. Even told me that he would have proposed by now if it weren't for me & what I had done/been through in my past. 

Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool - Isaiah 1:18

Let me tell you something. The enemy wants to hold Gods children hostage in past sin. This is condemnation and serves no good. Jesus died for our sins and we are forgiven! He tells us so. We are to believe in His promises full heartedly and not be distracted or feel unworthy from our past. Focus on what God has in store for you NOW. That's what He wants us to focus on. He uses the weak to help the strong, & the broken to inspire. 

I was always questioned. I noticed he tried to isolate me by telling me which of my friends were un-safe for me to be around. Told me I shouldn't share our issues with people. I was being manipulated so well that I knew it was crazy to go along with what he said, but did it anyway. He used everything to manipulate me. His daughter, Jesus, marriage, whatever it took. 

He would even used the words "God knows our hearts" to manipulate me. Sadly, it worked.

So the story unfolds ....

Come to find out, he was not waiting for his wife. Everything I thought we built our relationship on was a lie. Everything unraveled before me. He had been with a woman just before we met, and while we were dating. Kept a long distance relationship with yet another christian young lady who did not know he was in a relationship. Gave me roses he received from another woman while presenting them from himself. The story goes on. To sum it up: all the while condemning me for things of my past, doing whatever he wanted in the present while promising his faithfulness to me.

At first, it was hard to breathe. I felt physical pain in my heart. I found myself thinking, how can someone do this?!? Who would do such a thing! It was more difficult for me to believe someone would be capable of using another's heart as a chew toy in their game of "love", than to believe he was being honest. Even more difficult for me to believe that he would use the name of God in vein. Then I realized, God speaks of this in the bible, NUMEROUS times. It's just one of those things I heard in church and dismissed, didn't think I would have to worry about. But guess what, it's important to take God seriously. 

But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete - Luke 6:49

It is out there!!! Don't get side tracked from Gods will for your life by a wolf in sheep clothing. While God may be your Shepherd, the wolf is his own shepherd. Out for himself. Presents himself as one like you but will devour you. 

Solution? Draw close to the Lord, and stay there. Pray to Him before anything and everything you do. That part I did. The harder part: Even if you don't like the answer, LISTEN. If you feel confused, something isn't right! If you have a feeling of uneasiness sweep over you, the holy spirit is speaking to you! If you feel like you can't hear his answer (& even if you do) stay in His word by reading the bible and surrounding yourself with other Christians who will help you along your journey. Not even Jesus walked alone, He had His disciples. Even if you think you know best, the fact of the matter is, He ALWAYS does.

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil - Ephesians 6:11

I believe that I met the wolf for a reason. I know that God did not intend it to go as far as it did, and tried to show me that many times. The AMAZING thing? He kept showing me until I got it. He didn't give up on me. Although throughout this I broke a promise to Him. I broke His heart. Which pains me more than any of it, but I know I'm forgiven. He did not abandon me. HE IS SO FAITHFUL!!! Instead, He showed me what I told Him I needed to see in order to believe. I would reason with myself and God saying, yes I know he is all of those things but he is Christian and faithful. Then God said ... Oh really? My child, let me open your eyes. I prayed for revelation, & I received it. How AMAZING IS OUR GOD!!!

The difficult part is, you have to want to see. Do you want to see? Do you want to live freely in the truth? Just ask to be shown. Pray to your heavenly father, He will hear you. 

Jesus opens the eyes of the blind :)

I know that God will use this all for good. It is very painful to talk about, but maybe ... just maybe, someone out there will read & receive revelation through this trial. 

By the way, message me or leave a comment below if you have questions or thoughts on this or any of my posts.

  

Thankful for this new beginning,

Meagan

He won the war, I'm done fighting.

I don't know about you, but sometimes it feels like I go through life fighting. Fighting to prove I'm intelligent and creative at my job (it's not always easy being a woman in the business world!). Fighting the thoughts that creep into my mind of doubt and worry of the future. Fighting negative emotions that get me down from my past. Most recently, fighting to prove my worth to a man who somehow got the hold over me to have me so focused on him and trying to be everything he wanted, that I lost focus of Jesus. Fighting to break free but being sucked back in through lies and manipulation. My flesh was fighting to prove I was in fact good enough. Why?

Is there anything that you're fighting for that is distracting you from the life that's in store for you? Sucking all of your energy and time?

God already won the war for us so that we don't have to fight! Isn't that amazing? He loves us so much that he did it all for us. Left the throne in Heaven to come down and teach and heal and DIE for us. Rose again for us so that we have a living God that we can have a relationship with. Defeated the enemy! He's done it all and we just get to accept it. Can you believe that? What about ... there's no such thing as a free lunch? Well, yes there is. With Jesus. It's just so hard to fathom because on this earth we have to fight for everything ourselves. 

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast (Ephesians 2:8-9)

He won so why am I fighting? The only one we need to worry about proving anything to is God. On judgement day, no one else's opinion matters. He holds the keys to the pearly gates of heaven.

So now, I'm obeying. No more fighting for MY way, just accepting the gift of GODS way. It's such a better place to be! His plan is so much better. I want to live in the land of obeying God forever and never even visit anywhere else!! He is the Lord of my life. Wow, I just sighed with relief.

Blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it! (Luke 11:28)

I was recently led off the path & in a relationship where I was not respected or valued at all. Where I was fed lies for breakfast lunch and dinner, and sadly, licked them up like peanut butter. Where the scripture was used to prove this person's point rather than God's. Where I was told he (lets call him: the wolf) was saved, when I finally realized his actions did not match his words, I was already too far in ... love, blind sided, a jail of manipulation. I was baited in with sweet words of forever, and "you're an answered prayer from God". I was condemned for my past and held hostage in it. I was pulled into sin by someone who claimed to be holy. All the while trying to prove myself. If I could just prove that the lies he said about me weren't true, he'd be happy. We'd be happy. I'd receive his promise of unconditional love and forever. Sounds pretty sad, right?

Then I snapped back out of it and realized ... what am I doing?!? I'm fighting for a future of happiness when I'm nowhere near happy right now! I won't be sucked in to fighting, because God already won! He pulled me out! He revealed the lies and just as I almost got sucked back in a few days ago - He showed me once more. Again I am hounded with emails, but I won't fight back. The war is over. I have tears in my eyes as I write this, as I could not have broken free on my own.

As soon as I listened to Him 3 months ago, He opened doors for me. As soon as I said ... Jesus, you hold my tomorrow! You lead and I will follow. A new start, a new state, a new job - and it's all such a blessing.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

He has other plans for me. & for you too if you're fighting to prove ... anything! We don't need to fight to be loved, Jesus gives that to us freely, and it's a love that sets us free.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)

Broken but stronger,
Meagan