A heart full of love

What to do with a heart full of love, and no one physically to give it to.

Let me preface this with, there are wonderful godly men/marriages that are truly amazing and wow what a blessing - this post just happens to be about being single with a heart full of love. 

This is something that many of us gals, and guys too (?) possibly wonder ... wishing and dreaming for that special someone to come and sweep us off of our feet so that we can pour our love out into them. This has definitely been me!

Key word: Someone.

Sure, we have some traits in mind that we have black-listed from kissing some frogs in our pasts. We have other traits in mind that we are looking for - whether we realize it or not ... and whether they are what is healthy for us or what God wants for us or not. But after awhile, it seems our standards go down as the time passes and we want to love and feel loved, the thing that makes us feel most complete.

Sometimes this leads to bad decision making, and we  unknowingly give our hearts away to romances we shouldn't. We want to believe the next could be it! We want to be swept off our feet and float away on clouds. Escape reality for if just but for a moment.

This is more dangerous than we want to believe! It ends up in situations where we and likely the other person with a broken and bruised heart. We should not sacrifice what God has in store for us in the long run, for what we want today. It's not the path to chose, friends.

What do you do with that heart full of love when you're single? Let me tell you what I have been doing and realized that it has been a blessing beyond words!!! Every time "I LOVE ... " pops into my head. As if I subconsciously want to fill it with a name? Because I'm used to it, because there is so much love in my heart so logically I think there's someone it is aimed towards.

Well there is someone. JESUS!!! That's right! Every time "I LOVE ..." pops into my head, I fill it in with "JESUS" - immediately my heart fills even more full of love and I am over taken with joy! Because it's the truth!!! My mind/heart is just used to there being a guy (& not the right one) - but all of this love I actually have in my heart is put there by Jesus for Jesus, and it is Him who I really feel all of this Love for. He IS LOVE. That's the TRUTH.

I am not going to just throw my love at the wall and hope for the best! I will give it ALL to Jesus, because He loved me first and will forever. True, unconditional love. Not an ounce of my love or heart will ever be wasted with Him. In fact, since I have laid down my life and He picked it up, I have never loved more or been more full of joy. He shows me how!

Do you know what happens when we love Jesus? We love others. I'm not referring to a romantic way, I'm talking about loving them as in caring for them. When Jesus fills our heart with Love and we Love Him, it's natural for us to Love others.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater - Mark 12:31


Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven - Matthew 6:10

One day Jesus may put a man in my life that will love me and for me to love. However, I will wait until He tells me to let that someone else can cut in. If he does gift me with such a love, I know that it will be unlike anything I have experienced, because God wants the very best for me. I have found myself apologizing to God for thinking that someone from my past was sent for me from Him, for thinking that He would not know and love me better than that. As I know He does!!!

A godly woman is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her - proverbs 3:15


Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you - Matthew 6:33


Ladies, there will be men that try to sweep you off your feet! They may be handsome, and charming, and sweet!!! You might even think to yourself, well - he is much better than the last, maybe this is it? He has most of the qualities on my list ... maybe this is the best I will find, and it's great?! Wrong, that is a lie. Yes, these guys may actually be amazing, but just not for you. In other cases, maybe they are total charming liars who will pull a fast one on you, and it will be a heart breaking struggle to get out of the lions den. Ladies, this would be like buying a really cute pair of heels but once you walk in them find out they hurt so bad you wish you'd never seen them! I have personally experienced both.

Some people might tell you that you are being too picky because you are waiting. My guess is these people don't know God, lovingly pray for them. Don't let them encourage you to rush into something that isn't right because you panic that there's something wrong with you.

*** On the other hand, I am blessed to have sisters in Christ that walk with me on this journey, and encourage me to continue to seek Gods will!

Also, if you are dating someone that tells you that you are an answered prayer and sent to them by God to be their wife - yet you do not feel the same ... do not listen to them just because you want to believe it's true. Use discernment, listen to God. He is not a God of confusion and will not tell you one thing and him/her another. God is the truth, all else is not.

The enemy wants to distract us from our walk with God, and will use what he knows has worked in the past. If you are noticing that you met a great guy, but suddenly because of this or that you do not have time to serve in the ministry you were going to, or you are extra tired during church, or your alone time with God suffers, watch out because you are being distracted. I will not sacrifice one second of being in Gods will if I realize I am out of it. It's not worth it.

Some signs that I have learned help me determine if I am getting to know someone who is not who God has in store for me to give my heart to? If it is not His will, I feel Him distant. I lose the joy I feel when I am filled overflowing with the holy spirit from being in the center of His will for my life. Then, it is evident - and a better gauge than my own trying to figure it out or reasoning.

Whatever God has planned for me, I want to receive that blessing. I pray for the desires of my heart to match His, and He will not keep that from me.


No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly - Psalm 84:11

I have also realized, there is no one better to be in love with, than Jesus.

Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him - 1 Corinthians 2:9


God has given me everything that I need, and so so much more (I type as my pup tickles my ear with his nose! :) )

all in love,
Meagan

Beware of Wolf in Sheep Clothing

Just because something looks good, doesn't mean it is good. 

This isn't a lesson I wish any of you will learn first hand. So, I'll share my story in hopes God will use it for good.

  

(This is a long post, so bare with me. I feel called to put it out there, and then leave it there - moving on with wisdom from the lesson learned, praise God.)

I came to this harsh realization through a relationship I was in, where my heart went through more pain than I would ever have dreaded to know possible. My spirit was crushed into pieces like a peanut shell. Because I chose to be oblivious to what I didn't want to see.

The reason I was hurt so badly is because this person professed to be one thing, ... everything righteous and of Christ ..., and I believed it whole heartedly. Despite the many warnings that should have led me not to. Only to find out, it was a lie and I was deceived. 

Why did I believe? Because I was waiting for my christian husband & he said he was the one I was waiting for. It sounded good, & I wanted to believe it - so I did. Because I didn't believe someone could say they are one thing all the while being the opposite. Therefore, I fell in love with an illusion. A picture painted with lies, this person I fell in love with doesn't exist. He's make believe. & the person I was in a relationship with was just the artist. 

Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits - Matthew 7:15

My heart and I were stuck in a prison where, I could feel things weren't right ... I saw the red flags ... yet wanted to believe in this person (the wolf), and believe me, he was convincing. If I would try to explain that things did not seem true, there was a carefully painted lie to cover up the lie. I got so wrapped up in trying to figure out the situation, it consumed me. To this day, I have nightmares about it ... where I am a detective and having to go through this gut wrenching feeling of figuring out the truth vs the lies. Suffocating in a web of manipulation and confusion, trying to break free. Looking for the EXIT sign that would lead me to the truth. 

This scripture from the bible kept coming to me when things did not add up: For our God is not a God of confusion but of peace - 1 Corinthians 14:33

The wolf looked good, talked great, but walked crooked. His words were the sweetest smelling cologne I've ever encountered and drew me in like a bee to a flower. It was only after I  tasted the pollen that I realized it was poison.

Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting - Romans 16:17-18

Let me break it down even further. The wolf told me (& everyone for that matter) that he is christian. Goes to church every Sunday, listens to Billy Graham sermons, posts scripture on facebook, repeatedly told me he does not lie & would tell me "I despise a liar." I was so distracted by all that he was saying that I was missing what he was actually DOING. He spoke of his salvation all of the time, prayed before dinner, and wore cross necklaces proudly. He went through the motions and said the 'right' things.

Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves - James 1:22 

According to him, I was "the one."  

He constantly TOLD ME he loved me unconditionally and there was no one else for him. For about a year I spent every moment I could with he and his daughter, we were like a family. I gave everything I could and more, trying to walk on water for him, though it was never enough. Then I realized, he never SHOWED me this love he spoke of. I was drowning in words of love, so that I couldn't even come up for air to see the actions weren't there. I did all the work, all the sacrificing, all the compromise, everything. 

After a couple months, he began condemning me for my past. Questioning my salvation. Pointing out things I had done years before we met. Constantly, at any given moment, I would have to go through this. He would not drop it. Even told me that he would have proposed by now if it weren't for me & what I had done/been through in my past. 

Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool - Isaiah 1:18

Let me tell you something. The enemy wants to hold Gods children hostage in past sin. This is condemnation and serves no good. Jesus died for our sins and we are forgiven! He tells us so. We are to believe in His promises full heartedly and not be distracted or feel unworthy from our past. Focus on what God has in store for you NOW. That's what He wants us to focus on. He uses the weak to help the strong, & the broken to inspire. 

I was always questioned. I noticed he tried to isolate me by telling me which of my friends were un-safe for me to be around. Told me I shouldn't share our issues with people. I was being manipulated so well that I knew it was crazy to go along with what he said, but did it anyway. He used everything to manipulate me. His daughter, Jesus, marriage, whatever it took. 

He would even used the words "God knows our hearts" to manipulate me. Sadly, it worked.

So the story unfolds ....

Come to find out, he was not waiting for his wife. Everything I thought we built our relationship on was a lie. Everything unraveled before me. He had been with a woman just before we met, and while we were dating. Kept a long distance relationship with yet another christian young lady who did not know he was in a relationship. Gave me roses he received from another woman while presenting them from himself. The story goes on. To sum it up: all the while condemning me for things of my past, doing whatever he wanted in the present while promising his faithfulness to me.

At first, it was hard to breathe. I felt physical pain in my heart. I found myself thinking, how can someone do this?!? Who would do such a thing! It was more difficult for me to believe someone would be capable of using another's heart as a chew toy in their game of "love", than to believe he was being honest. Even more difficult for me to believe that he would use the name of God in vein. Then I realized, God speaks of this in the bible, NUMEROUS times. It's just one of those things I heard in church and dismissed, didn't think I would have to worry about. But guess what, it's important to take God seriously. 

But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete - Luke 6:49

It is out there!!! Don't get side tracked from Gods will for your life by a wolf in sheep clothing. While God may be your Shepherd, the wolf is his own shepherd. Out for himself. Presents himself as one like you but will devour you. 

Solution? Draw close to the Lord, and stay there. Pray to Him before anything and everything you do. That part I did. The harder part: Even if you don't like the answer, LISTEN. If you feel confused, something isn't right! If you have a feeling of uneasiness sweep over you, the holy spirit is speaking to you! If you feel like you can't hear his answer (& even if you do) stay in His word by reading the bible and surrounding yourself with other Christians who will help you along your journey. Not even Jesus walked alone, He had His disciples. Even if you think you know best, the fact of the matter is, He ALWAYS does.

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil - Ephesians 6:11

I believe that I met the wolf for a reason. I know that God did not intend it to go as far as it did, and tried to show me that many times. The AMAZING thing? He kept showing me until I got it. He didn't give up on me. Although throughout this I broke a promise to Him. I broke His heart. Which pains me more than any of it, but I know I'm forgiven. He did not abandon me. HE IS SO FAITHFUL!!! Instead, He showed me what I told Him I needed to see in order to believe. I would reason with myself and God saying, yes I know he is all of those things but he is Christian and faithful. Then God said ... Oh really? My child, let me open your eyes. I prayed for revelation, & I received it. How AMAZING IS OUR GOD!!!

The difficult part is, you have to want to see. Do you want to see? Do you want to live freely in the truth? Just ask to be shown. Pray to your heavenly father, He will hear you. 

Jesus opens the eyes of the blind :)

I know that God will use this all for good. It is very painful to talk about, but maybe ... just maybe, someone out there will read & receive revelation through this trial. 

By the way, message me or leave a comment below if you have questions or thoughts on this or any of my posts.

  

Thankful for this new beginning,

Meagan

He won the war, I'm done fighting.

I don't know about you, but sometimes it feels like I go through life fighting. Fighting to prove I'm intelligent and creative at my job (it's not always easy being a woman in the business world!). Fighting the thoughts that creep into my mind of doubt and worry of the future. Fighting negative emotions that get me down from my past. Most recently, fighting to prove my worth to a man who somehow got the hold over me to have me so focused on him and trying to be everything he wanted, that I lost focus of Jesus. Fighting to break free but being sucked back in through lies and manipulation. My flesh was fighting to prove I was in fact good enough. Why?

Is there anything that you're fighting for that is distracting you from the life that's in store for you? Sucking all of your energy and time?

God already won the war for us so that we don't have to fight! Isn't that amazing? He loves us so much that he did it all for us. Left the throne in Heaven to come down and teach and heal and DIE for us. Rose again for us so that we have a living God that we can have a relationship with. Defeated the enemy! He's done it all and we just get to accept it. Can you believe that? What about ... there's no such thing as a free lunch? Well, yes there is. With Jesus. It's just so hard to fathom because on this earth we have to fight for everything ourselves. 

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast (Ephesians 2:8-9)

He won so why am I fighting? The only one we need to worry about proving anything to is God. On judgement day, no one else's opinion matters. He holds the keys to the pearly gates of heaven.

So now, I'm obeying. No more fighting for MY way, just accepting the gift of GODS way. It's such a better place to be! His plan is so much better. I want to live in the land of obeying God forever and never even visit anywhere else!! He is the Lord of my life. Wow, I just sighed with relief.

Blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it! (Luke 11:28)

I was recently led off the path & in a relationship where I was not respected or valued at all. Where I was fed lies for breakfast lunch and dinner, and sadly, licked them up like peanut butter. Where the scripture was used to prove this person's point rather than God's. Where I was told he (lets call him: the wolf) was saved, when I finally realized his actions did not match his words, I was already too far in ... love, blind sided, a jail of manipulation. I was baited in with sweet words of forever, and "you're an answered prayer from God". I was condemned for my past and held hostage in it. I was pulled into sin by someone who claimed to be holy. All the while trying to prove myself. If I could just prove that the lies he said about me weren't true, he'd be happy. We'd be happy. I'd receive his promise of unconditional love and forever. Sounds pretty sad, right?

Then I snapped back out of it and realized ... what am I doing?!? I'm fighting for a future of happiness when I'm nowhere near happy right now! I won't be sucked in to fighting, because God already won! He pulled me out! He revealed the lies and just as I almost got sucked back in a few days ago - He showed me once more. Again I am hounded with emails, but I won't fight back. The war is over. I have tears in my eyes as I write this, as I could not have broken free on my own.

As soon as I listened to Him 3 months ago, He opened doors for me. As soon as I said ... Jesus, you hold my tomorrow! You lead and I will follow. A new start, a new state, a new job - and it's all such a blessing.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

He has other plans for me. & for you too if you're fighting to prove ... anything! We don't need to fight to be loved, Jesus gives that to us freely, and it's a love that sets us free.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)

Broken but stronger,
Meagan